An Open Letter to Jim Cohen

Paul Crawford · Post by **Paul Crawford** » 6 Jan 2000 9:18 pm

Dear Mr. Roberts: I will gratefully accept your generous offer. Your reputation precedes you since I have heard many times of how aggressively you represent your clients, ("That Smiley guy is really offensive" or something like that.) I'm sure between us we could leverage Mr. Cohen into a compromised position.

I suggest we start practicing very soon since Mr. Cohen has directly challenged us. I haven't played tennis in a very long time. And please see if he will agree to grass courts since the last time I played on a harder surface I slipped, hurt me knee, and it was very painful to use the B to Bb change for over a week, (see previous suit.)

And it is quite possible Jim may be responsible for the spooky stuff happening with the dates around here as well.

[This message was edited by Paul C on 12 January 2000 at 08:24 PM.]

Paul Crawford · Post by **Paul Crawford** » 10 Jan 2000 11:59 am

My Dear Mr. Cohen: This is to notify you of my intent to seek damages related to your production, Western Omelet, (available at the Forum Gift Shop.) Since your product has taken up permanent residence in my CD player, I am no longer able to listen to news and other current events on my radio, and therefore have restricted knowledge when called upon to participate in Off Topic, altering my chosen life style. As compensation for my loss, I have full intent to introduce the material on your CD to my local group for their performance considerations, (other than possibly some bogus song about the Internet.) Please respond with the name and address of a female vocalist in my area with the same prerequisites as given to yours in Beats Walkin', naming the best set of pipes since Mandy Barnett came to town. I regret that it has come to this point, but given the addictive properties you have knowingly and willingly added to your product, I see no alternative to this course of action.

Sincerely appreciatively,
Paul Crawford

Joe Casey · Post by **Joe Casey** » 10 Jan 2000 12:39 pm

Does that mean he liked it?

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cjc

Ron Page · Post by **Ron Page** » 10 Jan 2000 2:07 pm

I can't answer your question, Joe.

As a witness in Mr. Cohen's defense, I can assure you that "restricted knowledge" has never--NOT EVEN ONCE-- restricted Paul's participation in Off-Topic.

(Mine either, for that matter)

Paul Crawford · Post by **Paul Crawford** » 10 Jan 2000 2:28 pm

Ron: Shhhhhh! Don't tell everyone! I'm negotiating here!

And if you don't know if I liked it, get a copy, give it a listen, and find out yourself. I'm pretty sure you'll have the same "problems".

Jim Cohen · Post by **Jim Cohen** » 10 Jan 2000 9:53 pm

I'll see you in court.

Bob Hoffnar · Post by **Bob Hoffnar** » 11 Jan 2000 12:13 am

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>
Please respond with the name and address of a female vocalist in my area <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Paul,Paul,Paul... what can I say ? You are opening a door that will make you wish for that goofy bass player dude. Believe me, that guy is gonna seem like a picnic after you have had to deal with the DREADED CHIC SINGER SYNDROM ! Its all true what they say !

Bob

(any of you super talented female vocalists that I am lucky enough to play for that happen to see this its the other chic singers not you.)

Smiley Roberts · Post by **Smiley Roberts** » 11 Jan 2000 2:00 am

Dear Mr. Crawford,
I would like to volunteer my services,here,as legal defense on your part,since I,also,own said album by Mr. Cohen,& can vouch for your accusations. My services will be Pro Bono,(which is Sonny's first cuzzin,twice removed.We through him out once,but he came back),or my name ain't Smiley"Calhoun"Roberts.
Holy Mackerel,Andy!!
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[This message was edited by Smiley Roberts on 11 January 2000 at 02:03 AM.]